Last week I was at Amaru’s lactation appointment when I got a text message from Colibrí, asking me to pick her up from school. She wasn’t feeling well. I brought her home and did all the things mamí’s do to heal her Littles and I also made sure to take care so that the others hopefully wouldn’t come down with the same nasty cold.
Colibrí stayed home for the week and none of the other kids got sick —Mamí - 1, nasty cold - 0 — or so I thought. The weekend passed she was better, Monday came and I was sick as ever. It’s been 4 days, I have not left this bed. I’m writing this blog from my phone with a combination of typing and voice to text —which by the way is hilariously inaccurate, since I’ve completely lost my voice—
From bed I’ve made a few protection bracelets for my kids and myself, I’ve answered some emails, helped Ch’umil’aj with some social media content, checked out Law & Order Toronto, slept(!!), meditated, listened to some new playlists, fed Amaru, cuddled each bebé, had some quiet time just me, myself and I. Everyone has been catering to me, the kids are all checking in; bringing me tea, tissues, snacks, loving. It has been phenomenal! I’m totally loving it and then it dawned on me— I have MANFLU!!
So all week P has had to hold down the fort as he’s done before and is really wicked at. He truly has no problem doing it. And as much as I’ve loved my case of Manflu, there’s been this fog lurking around —it’s systemic patriarchy and its ingraining in me that I’m the problem— I’ve been struggling to let go and just rest.
So let’s talk a little bit about this.
Why does it infuriate women when their (masculine dominant energied-yes I made up that word) partners get sick?
We all know that getting sick is sometimes inevitable, no matter how healthy, strong, immune, the body just gives. Well it’s not the sickness that makes us pisses us off or even our partner really, it’s the:
-pressure: the pressure of adding another “child-like” person to take care, we already feel spread thin with all we deal with day to day, a sick-in-bed partner is like adding another child to the pack.
-the realization: these are the moments when we truly realize how much is actually on our shoulders.
-the unbalanced roles: western society’s ideology of gender roles
When we’re sick nothing changes. We could be sick as hell and still taking our kids to dance class, making dinner, cleaning up after everyone, being everyone’s go-to for e-ver-y thing. When dad (or insert other parent’s title) is sick, they tend to do exactly what I’m doing now. It’s almost expected. But if our partnerships were properly balanced, they ebbed and flowed as the tide and moon, then we would understand that balanced partnership isn’t always a 50/50.
Can you imagine what would happen if the moon kept moon-ing (🤭) and the tide just didn’t come in and water the shore? The earth wouldn’t receive that much needed moisture or the nutrients from the water and from the rocks mineralizing her so she could in turn nurture all those plant roots deep within her vessel. That shit would dry up!
Everything by has a purpose, has a balance has a flow! And the Moon as she changes, well the Tide, he changes too. Sometimes she gives a little more and he matches her energy. Our partnerships should be the same. I pour and pour and pour into our family and so does P. So when I need to step back and ebb, he can continue to flow and vice versa, without animosity only reciprocity.
It’s in the darkness that planted seeds grow
I’ve been very blessed this time around to enter into a partnership and union with someone who I have a great ebb and flow relationship with. For this I am so grateful. I was born under the ch’umil of aq’ab’al, in the Mayan energy calendar; the energy of balance, of duality, of sunrise and sunsets, past and present. This is an energy that has completely ruled my life. My first marriage did not have any of this. I was married to a man who was stuck in gender rules. He did this and I did that and that was the way it was. I felt suffocated something had to give in order for the suffocation to stop and that something was me and I lost myself completely; abiding, complacent, unaware of my own unhappiness, unaware of the world around me and my own relationship. But I could only live that way for so long and circumstances led to circumstances, and we parted after 16 years. It was a scary time, I felt like I was literally walking straight into Xi’bal’ba; pure darkness, all the sadness and the madness and the unknown. The place of fright. But then I remembered my ancestral teachings and let go and jumped in, because it’s in the darkness that planted seeds grow.
Our western spiritual society shies away from darkness, I mean it’s also the context from which ‘they’ decided Black people or darker skinned people were bad or evil 😶 But nothing grows in the light alone. Everything starts in the dark and it finds its way to the light. Everything in nature works together in partnership, ebbing and flowing. Ebbing and flowing.
The only thing in nature that dysfunctionally Ebbs and flows are humans! And that’s because this dysfunction was taught to us. We know that that dysfunction is, and if you don’t, stick around!
There is absolutely no reason for me to feel this fog of shame looming over my head for being unwell and able to “perform my wifely/motherly duties.” And yet there it is in the corner waiting for me to crack a little and give it a moment to shine.
😂 You know what just came to mind— that song by Robyn, “Dancing On My Own” (I’m such a Gemini lol.)
I feel like I’m dancing with P in our well-balanced Divine feminine/masculine partnership, the fog of Patriarchy is Robyn, obviously not Robyn herself, just the one singing,
I’m over here, watching you kiss her ohhhh
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me? Ohhhhh
I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the [one] you’re taking home, oooo
I keep dancing on my own…
I think I’m going to add this song to my Wild Birth playlist and blast it with my Jeep top down. If you see me in my neon green Jeep, hair blowing in the wind, bopping, just know it’s a whole vibe ✌🏾
After I jumped in, I found myself. I was just a tiny little seed buried deep in the earth waiting to be rooted, waiting for me to be my own tide. I needed to water my seed and figure out what fertilizer I needed to feed my seed so that it could grow. It took a lot of work. but when I finally found someone I wanted to write the next chapters of my life with, I was better equipped and had the tools, and whatever tools I didn’t have, I knew I needed a partner who would be willing to share theirs so we could build together, a strong, steady foundation and eventually a home.
Keep a look out for Divine U a workshop exclusively for Sinchi Warmi sisters and their boos 💕 I’d love to share some of the tools P and I have put together that have helped us build our home.
We deserve to not feel frustrated and isolated when manflu hits our home
Besos
S 🫶🏾